Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Lonely

My truck has been broken down off and on for the last several months and I have pretty much given up on it ever being of much use to me. I am ready to abandon ship and just get rid of the dream of making it my dream ride. I take the bus now and I guess I don't mind it too much. There is a certain freedom that comes with being able to go where you want whenever you want but there is also a certain sense of relief that comes when I am reminded that it doesn't cost me $75 every week or so to fill up my tank. It does get very frustrating however when the bus is late and I consequently miss my transfer bus and consequently arrive late for work not to mention half frozen.

So as usual today, I waited for the bus wondering if it would be on time, just a few minutes late or an exceptional 25 minutes late as it was last week. I kind of like riding the bus though. It is really interesting to see the different people who ride the bus. It's also relaxing to not have to battle traffic on the road. I pulled out my cell phone to call my brother. He and his wife are both students at BYU-Idaho.

Today as I rode the bus to work I reflected on how much more content I am with life in general. I really feel like I am ready to move on with life and start working on my long term goals again. I also reflected on my family. I have lived away from them for some time, but I still keep very close to them. I literally talk to my mother and father every day and at least two of my three siblings everyday. I have expanded my cell phone plan specifically for that purpose.

Life has been pretty good lately. I have been working through some things but overall positive. Last year around this time I was in a very different place as a person and today I feel much more whole and much more stable. But again I find myself very sad. Like last year I will spend yet another Christmas away from my family.

I am very very close to them.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the interaction between God and mankind. God has been so very good to me. There have been times when I thought that surely God was so far from me and that it was my fault. I realize now how close God is to each of us. His reality and the truth of the spiritual world in which we live keeps Him close but so often out of my reach because I get so caught up in the reality of this mortal experience.

I see very clearly how God has lead me and taught me by unusual means of trial. I believe that as time goes on I will continue to see how God has brought me to the next phase -How he has prepared me to fulfill the mission in life that will shape my character to become the person I was created to become.

I look at the world around me and realize how fortunate I am to be able to live the life that I live. So many go without the knowledge of the value of their soul, the understanding of their mission, and the intricate role that we play in each other's lives. There is so much work to be done to better the world and ultimately better ourselves. How can I not be an active participant in this world? So great is the call, how can I refuse such an honor?

I believe that everyone has a mission in life to fulfill. I've spoken with some friends who aren't so sure that they have a purpose. But there are two parts to having a life mission. The first part is finding out who you are and what your mission is. The second part is living up to who you are and fulfilling your mission. Well, that's what I believe anyway. I feel it is true in my heart.

I know what God expects of me and what my calling in life is. But how does one come to know what their calling is? In my experience, I must reflect back on the unique life that God has provided me. I see the heritage that I received, the education, experiences, and of course the most difficult and meaningful parts of my life. As I reflect on the course that this river of life has taken me I can see how God has shaped and molded each experience to match the gifts and abilities he has given me. As I discern which goals to pursue I ultimately learn which goals reflect on the experience and gifts that God has blessed me with.