Friday, September 21, 2007

Just Do What Feels Like Fun

So I've not posted in awhile and there has been so much on my mind. I have gone through some really stressful times here recently... I roll with the punches pretty well, but overall, I've been on overload. I found a place to live upon returning to UT and by chance two of my three roommates are gay. I'll post more about that another time though.

I had an interesting conversation with one of them moments ago that struck me as noteworthy.

Caspian: You know, I really need to start moving towards my goals. I mean, I really believe that I have a purpose in life. I have things that I am supposed to do. I mean, I really need to finish school and there are so many things that distract me.

Flyboy: Yeah, I used to be stressed out about school, but I don't worry about it anymore.

Caspian: I guess I just believe that everyone has a mission in life... something that only I can accomplish... I feel like I really need to get a move on and meet my goals.

Flyboy: I used to believe that too and I was all worried, but now I just do what I want to and have fun.

Caspian: I just feel that for me, I need to accomplish certain things. Like by accomplishing these things I will have a truly fulfilling life.

Flyboy: We're only 25, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

Caspian: Yeah of course, but still, you only live once and I have so many things I need to do.

Flyboy: Yeah well I didn't graduate and I just do what feels right and have fun. I don't worry about anything else. I just do what feels like fun.

I really don't want to end up not accomplishing my life goals... sometimes I scare myself because I wonder why I don't care about somethings that fundamentally and morally should be part of my life... Other times, I freak out by the idea of someone binding me down with dogmas that only make me feel bad about who I am. At the same time it seems like the harder I try to move toward a goal or an ideal, the further away from them I find myself. Flyboy is a good person and a good roommate, but I cannot let go of my mission in life simply because it's hard. Hearing what he said sent chills up my spine. I must, absolutely must, become the person I was meant to become... I just fear that I don't have the intestinal fortitude to accomplish what I was made to accomplish. I don't want to waste my life having fun or doing what feels nice. I want to live and breathe and make a difference in this world. There are too many distractions along the way... and I fear getting stuck somewhere and one day waking up and finding myself so far away from my goals and dreams with so much time passed that it will be impossible to go back and become what God has made me capable of becoming.

7 comments:

Abelard Enigma said...

Don't listen to Flyboy. Consider where he will be in 25 years. And then consider where you will be in 25 years if you stick with your goals and try to add meaning to your life.

Who's Crazy? by Dayle King

You're crazy, they said, to aim for the stars.
The stars are much, much too high
You're silly! they shouted,
Look at yourself; You're human,
you can't even fly.

And so as I jumped and sprang and leaped
Laughing they all stood around.
I did not reach the stars, as they said,
But at least my feet left the ground.

iwonder said...

Wow, I didn't even know that they were gay - though I suspected. I am jealous!

playasinmar said...

An interesting household is better than a boring one. Usually...

And as for your dreams and aspirations, "Never give up. Never surrender!"

Foxx said...

Sometimes accomplishing your goals and feeling like you are accomplishing a purpose and making your life into what you want it to be feels right and is fun as well. Flyboy will hopefully understand one day that what's fun can also include a deeper enjoyment and fulfillment in life.

Forester said...

What has been hard for me is to accept what God has planned for me, especially when it doesn't fit with my goals and aspirations.

gentlefriend said...

You seem to be troubled by fear: "Other times, I freak out by the idea of someone binding me down with dogmas that only make me feel bad about who I am."--the fear of being trapped in a way of thinking that makes you feel crappy;

"At the same time it seems like the harder I try to move toward a goal or an ideal, the further away from them I find myself. . .and I fear getting stuck somewhere and one day waking up and finding myself so far away from my goals and dreams with so much time passed that it will be impossible to go back and become what God has made me capable of becoming."--The fear of having a wasted life.

The success you seek will only come through focus and discipline. You have goals. What are the things you need to do to prepare to reach them? What steps do you need to take? Ignore your fears and take action.

If your anxiety is distracting you too much, please go to a counselor to help you understand what is going on in your head and what you need to do to focus and move forward. There were a number of times when I turned to counselors and most of them were helpful.

Most important of all, stay with God and He will guide you if your goals are what's best for you. If He leads you in another direction, follow. He will not leave you feeling crappy about yourself or wasted. ("Search diligently, pray always, be believing, and all things will work together for your good." D&C 90:24)

Flyboy is running from life, but it will catch up with him.

October Rising said...

I feel much the same way!
P.S. Thanks for chattin' with me last night. I linked your blog to mine, hope you don't mind. You can add me if you want. TTYL - T