Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Telling the truth... again

t has been an interesting past few weeks out here in Virginia. As I had already mentioned previously I have met someone out here. It has been going remarkably well too. I think both of us were caught off guard with how well things are going. Neither of us are in a position to be seeing anyone here because I am moving back to UT in seven weeks and he is going into the army in October. I think both of us kind of recognized that maybe we should just be friends... which sucks. He is so awesome.

On a different note, I finally came out to my sister. I had decided not to tell my sister about me for a long time because she is married to the most in-the-bubble Mormon guy ever. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, but not only is he so far into the conservative bubble, but he is so different than my family. I grew up in a fairly liberal family as far as Mormons are concerned. He grew up with a stake president for a father. His parents go to the temple 3-4 times a week. They are all super nice and super shiny people. But very much out of touch with reality. Frankly, I've never really been fond of my brother in law. I mean, I don't dislike the guy but he is so different in every way from me. I talk to my sister about going on vacation and she says that when she and her husband discuss it, he always says, "We could spend $2000 on vacation or we could get hardwood floors in the dining room and living room. Then when we sell the house we can get it back in equity." The truth is, he is too damn practical.

So my sister is a lot like me. She is a go getter and full of life. She has dreams. However the man that she married really puts a damper on her own personal progression and how she feels she was meant to grow. The truth is, my sister never wanted to get married... and if she did, it wouldn't have been until she was well into her thirties and maybe only have one child. She always dreamed of traveling the world and getting an education and joining the Peace Corps of something like that. My sister asked her husband, "If you had to move to any foreign country, which country would it be?" "Canada," he replied. From that simple question a huge argument that lasted 2 days developed. That ought to give you a pretty good idea as to how different they are from each other.

I had wanted to tell my sister a while back but I myself was still trying to understand everything much less try to help someone else understand it all. Whats more, I didn't want her to tell her husband. If he knew that I am gay he wouldn't let me be with my nephews alone because he would think that I was a molester or a pervert or something. He is very homophobic and is one of those people that thinks it's contagious or something. My sister agreed that she won't tell her husband because in her words, "It would be the end-all of [the] marriage."

The reason why it would be so bad on their already strained marriage is because my sister is in TOTAL support of me. In fact, when I told her the words, "I am a homosexual" she immediately said that she had just earlier in the week had a conversation with her best friend about homosexuality and the Church and how such members really have no way to fit in the Church. She understands that there is nothing that can be done for me to change this and that there is no easy answer for me.

I could go on and on forever about the parallels between my sister and I in terms of our personal revolution in our paradigms and religious views. But I will basically say this much: We have gone through some significant changes and we are in the process of revising. This however will cause some major changes for the surroundings in which we find ourselves. In my sisters situation, she has a husband to educate and marriage to mend, if it is indeed salvageable and deal with the aftermath. I have to bear the challenge of coming out of the closet and deal with the aftermath.

It was an awesome experience to talk to my sister. It got both of our minds reeling about so many things and the conversation lasted nearly 3 hours and if we had cared to, it would have lasted longer. It feels great to have another family member on my side now. I only have one more sibling to tell, I still don't know when, but I will. All in all, it was the best coming out experience thus far. It brought us infinitely closer together and repaired a lot of the distance that developed because of her husband and the bubbles that we buried ourselves into..

I'm so tired, but I had to finish this post and get it up. I hope is is quality.



Kengo Biddles said...

Wow, sounds rough. Here's hoping the best for your sister and her husband, and here's hoping he can "pull his head out."

I was going to say more, but I'm not eloquent enough on this little sleep.

playasinmar said...

What's wrong with Canada?

Gay LDS Actor said...

Good for you.

I'm glad your sister can be a support for you.

drex said...

I'm glad your sister's cool and understanding, especially given present circumstance. Good coming-out experiences with loved ones are so invigorating. (:

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

There's nothing wrong with Canada. It's just not foreign. It's just like the states. Canada has the French thing going on and the US has the Spanish thing going on. Otherwise we are basically the same.

iwonder said...


There's nothing wrong with Canada. It's just not foreign. It's just like the states. Canada has the French thing going on and the US has the Spanish thing going on. Otherwise we are basically the same.

Um, not so much!

Trust me, it is a foreign country. It may not be as different as say Mali, Madagascar, Mozambique, China, Cambodia, Ceylon, Armenia, Albania, or Azerbaijan, but it is yet quite a bit different.

Yes, there are many similarities, but just as many differences, socially, economically, politically and even culturally.

Canada and the US are no more the same than Spain and Mexico are the same. Similarities? Yes. Same? Definitely not!

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

OMG This was not meant to be a debate on the political and social differences between the US and Canada. Yes there are some significant differences, but it really isn't that different in the context of comparisons in my experience and I have been to Canada for long extended stays several times. My point was that my brother-in-law chose Canada because it is basically the next closest thing to the USA. And BTW, I think the US and Canada have more similarities than Spain and Mexico. It's subjective at this point, but that's my opinion.

playasinmar said...

Hooray! I hijacked a post!

And on a related topic: What's with all your seething hatred for Canada, Caspian?

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

Who the hell said I had hatred for Canada? Enough of this Canada talk. My post wasn't about Canada and if you can't see that, then don't bother reading my blog nor commenting!

playasinmar said...

Oh, Caspian. You are so funny.


You made my day!