Sunday, July 08, 2007

Man-Flirting

It has always been a confusing situation for me. You know how guys are sometimes... they will flirt with eachother. I mean, completely straight guys. They will joke about being gay or doing gay things with their friends. I don't even know if flirting is the right word. Regardless, it has always been something that has perhaps been a little confusing for me because I don't know where to draw the line. Is this guy genuinely flirting with me? Is he just being goofy?

When I was in high school I had a friend that used to man-flirt. I really thought he was cool. He was older than me, was in a band, and he reeked of coolness and oh yeah, I thought he was hella cool. I don't know if the crush developed because he was cool and a good friend or if it was because of his man-flirtings. Of course nothing ever came of it, but I am left wondering if he actually had attractions for me.


I have awesome roommates. It's a really good situation. I have one roommate who I am particularly fond of. I'll call him Blond. He has become my new best friend. We work together and carpool together every day. It's become a mutually strong friendship and at the end of the summer both of us will be disappointed that we will be going separate ways. However, a very peculiar man-flirting element to the friendship has developed. Sometimes it is physical, sometimes it is verbal. It's never grotesque. For example. We'll be riding in the car together in the back seat. He will have his arm up on the back of the seat with his hand resting behind my head. He will tickle my ear or stroke my hair. Sometimes he'll give me a big hug or walk with his arm draped over my shoulder.

The first time I ever noticed any sort of attraction was one time when we were sitting in the back seat of a car and looking up at the night sky through the hatch back window. Then in some how we both looked at eachother at the same moment and made intense eye contact. It was one of those moments where you would have gone in for the kiss. It was surprising because I don't think either of us were expecting such a moment to have arrived.


Another time when we were sitting in the back seat of the car he grabbed my leg and leaned into me. I put my arm around him and gave him a hug. He pulled back because, like all man-flirting, it's just for fun and not serious. Right? Then with a joking tone he said, "What if I really was gay, would that weird you out?" I looked at him and furrowed my brow and said, " Ummm. No." But I should have really asked him the same question.


Last night Blond and I decided to rent a movie. It was just him and me in the apartment and we decided to pull out the hide-a-bed from the couch and pull it right up to our new 48 inch plasma screen (which by the way, I've become quite fond of). We sat there watching the movie, eating snacks and laughing. One of my other roommates came home and decided to join us on the bed. Blond moved over and instead of just moving out of his way, he snuggled right up to me and spooned. I was quite surprised. He only remained that way for a few moments before laughing and moving and returning his attention to the movie.


Earlier that night when he and I had gotten ready to go rent the movie he had gone upstairs to shower and I was waiting for him. I had called up to him to see how soon he would be ready and there was no answer so I went up stairs myself to find him. He opened the bathroom door with his towel on. I said, "Dude, hurry up. Blockbuster is gonna close." He went back into his room and I started talking to my other roommate. Blond decided to get my attention by shouting from the other side of the upstairs (we live in a large 3 story town home). So I turned around and walked back to his room where he "accidentally" exposed himself to me.

So I don't know how to interpret all of this. I don't think he is gay, but maybe just a little curious. It would be one thing if he man-flirted with everyone, but he doesn't. Even my brother said, "You and Blond have a really weird friendship." Which by interpretation means, "I think you guys are kind of acting gay together." If he is gay, he is planning on being with a woman based upon other things I've heard him say. So if he is gay, then, he isn't ready to be gay. So I just don't know how to react around him. Regardless he is a good friend and above all I want it to stay that way. I mean, because if he is straight and would have suspected in the least that I am gay, then I think it would have made him exceptionally uncomfortable to man-flirt with me, even in jest. And I don't want to be one of those gay guys who assumes that every guy is gay or has some sort of gay tendency. It's just weird.

11 comments:

Forester said...

He's gay, but like you said, maybe not ready to admit it? How old is he? I've rarely had an experience like that, at least not one that had so many examples from the same person over a short amount of time. I personally don't see anything wrong with being close with another guy like that. Girls do it all the time. Yes, men are different than girls but I think even straight guys need close relationships with other guys, not sexual but close. Touching is a human need. I have a close straight friend that used to touch me more until I told him I was gay. Now he goes the extra mile to make sure we don't touch.

isakson said...

Isn't it obvious?

Sir Robert Chiltern said...

I know what you mean by "man-flirting". Back when I had my 3 roommates who knew I was gay, I asked them why straight guys do that. None of them could explain it to me, but they all did it. Heck, Fancy Pants flirted with me even more after I came out, although I suspect that was an attempt to show how "cool" he was with gay people.

In the end, unfortunately, I would say you really can't interpret this behavior to be indicative of sexual orientation. I would suspect that he would be pretty shocked if you told him you were gay, and he'd probably act differently.

And if, on the slim chance, he is gay, he's not going to react well if you do anything more than "man-flirt" back.

Beck said...

Why not leave it at "man-flirting" and just be touch-buddies in a unique male-to-male friendship way... Don't be afraid to return or reciprocate his gestures, but also don't try to over-analyze what he is thinking! He obviously likes you very much and is comfortable flirting with you... and that's it - nothing more.

My straight touch-buddies wouldn't man-flirt with me if they knew I was gay. Call me dishonest or deceptive for not telling them, but I don't desire anything more than close friendship so we continue to man-flirt and enjoy our "unique" friendship. Is that wrong?

Chris said...

He's gaaaaay.

Beck said...

Chris: You've said that about MY man-flirters as well, and I beg to disagree. Not everyone that man-flirts is gaaaaay! Just because he does, doesn't mean that he is... my experience shows that there are guys that just are more open to playful affection but are still straight as they come...

Abelard Enigma said...

[sigh] I wanna man-flirt [sigh] but I guess that wouldn't be appropriate for someone in my position (i.e. married).

Kengo Biddles said...

I will have to disagree with everyone that devoutly says he's gay. I think he's not. I think he's just like Davros, a very VERY flirty guy, but he's just a friend.

Chris said...

I could be convinced that some of this behavior is just man flirting. But the totality of it suggests that he is gay. He may be in denial and/or in the closet, but it does not sound like the behavior of a heterosexual man to me.

playasinmar said...

I pretty sure everyone is gay. Or straight. This guy probably falls into one of these two groups.

Some Like It Hot said...

I kind of have a buddy like that too. I have wondered if my friend might be gay, but he talks about women often enough for me to believe in his straightness.