I really need to know what the facets of my options are so that I can carefully and introspectively make good choices for my life. As I have ventured out on brief trips to the world of homosexuality, I have toured with the hope of finding myself at home in a culture that can be very foreign to the Mormon religion. My tours have included political events, night clubs, friendship networking, and of course a few from the blog world. I wanted to find a place where my sexuality could be welcomed as well as simple common sense values so as to support a healthy lifestyle and relationships. While I recognize, having traveled abroad in the past, that one cannot simply stereotype an entire community based on the experiences of a few encounters with the culture, some of my interviews with the homosexual community have lead me to believe that actions speak louder than words. And I regret to say that a growing body of evidence supports my concern that living a gay life must undoubtedly include some level of promiscuity.
I spent a considerable amount of time this last weekend touring. These were a few of my vistas: A night club, two group gatherings, a date, and an interview with a couple who have been together for nearly two years. In each of these situations I was greeted with fair individuals with seemingly normal lives and relationships. Yet behind this mask of normalcy some sort of sexual encounter was offered. It wasn't quite as brazen as "Hey, lets get it on!" But rather, these offerings began as little hints dropped here and there and when I didn't bite the bait, became flat out inquiries into personal details about my genitals, masturbation, pornography, and whether or not I have had sexual relationships with other men. Granted, early on in life I I learned the gift of tact. And though most of these conversations were presented without tact in the least, I was able to sidestep the issues pressed upon my delicate homosexual paradigm and move on -which often left the solicitor of such questions feeling even more hungry for sexual discussion and flat out offers to explore my sexuality.
The most disturbing factor in all of this however were not the offers of rampant homosexual encounters as much as who offering these encounters. The two most persistent men to offer to "loosen my tension" were men who were in serious long term relationships with other men. Even after pointing out that they would be breaking the trust of their lovers, they persisted. I find this most upsetting. The longest I have ever had a romantic relationship with anyone was my girlfriend two years ago and we lasted three months. These men have shown that they are committed to their relationships by staying in them for more than 2 years. That is true for both cases. Nevertheless, in private venues of conversation they offer to break their commitments infidelity, the offers remained; threatening the longevity of their significant other remaining significant.
In the end I respectfully declined their generous offer to throw away their integrity (and possibly their relationships) for a few moments of pleasure. I told them that I wouldn't feel comfortable sacrificing the respect I have for fidelity and their long-term partners. And even so they presented themselves as ordinary people living ordinary lives, I couldn't help but wonder how healthy these relationships really are. After all, infidelity can be a fatal blow to any relationship.
Why does this happen in the homosexual world? I'm not attempting to say that the gay community has a monopoly on infidelity, but my friends both in and out of the Church that are in long term relationships have never offered such things nor have such sexual topics plagued a conversation like a nicotine craving that just won't go away. Whereas my many homosexual friends seem to allow irresponsible sex to identify so many of their actions regardless of how much they attest to common sense values. Granted, I have met a few honest gay men and couples out there, but the majority that I have met aren't beyond engaging in a little side fun every now and then. Is it just something that goes with the territory of the gay community? How does one protect himself from becoming one of those men?
Perhaps my perception is flawed. Maybe it would be easier to believe that my incredibly magnificent physique is what is threatening the relationships in the gay community. Yet, some how I doubt that my good looks alone could take responsibility for such.
PS: As for all of you in the blog world , the very small few that I have met in person, I have to say I am quite impressed with the lives you live. Never have I received an innapropriate solicitation nor have my feelings been disrespected. Perhaps it is because of the genuine nature of blogging. It provides a forum for brutal honesty. There are no hidden agendas. The anonymity is sacred. I am greatful for all of the support I receive from everyone regardless of which side of the fence you stand.